Finding Your Way after the Suicide of Someone You Love by David B. Biebel

Author:David B. Biebel
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook
Publisher: Zondervan

Surviving Suicide as a Stepparent

After the loss of a stepchild to suicide, stepparents often feel like outsiders. They don’t know what is expected of them or how best to help their spouse or the sibling(s) of the deceased deal with the child’s death. Communication with the biological parent may be difficult if the marriage is relatively recent. If there were relational problems with the deceased, and even if not, the stepparent may feel some guilt or remorse.

Jerry wrote that he wondered, If I had not married Linda, would her son [Paul] still be alive? Jerry said that his five-year marriage to Linda was strained for a long time after Paul’s death. “I was able to help Linda grieve with quiet feelings and an ‘in the background’ position,” he said. “As time passed, she became more aware of others in the same place, other survivors, and I encouragedher to become involved. As she did, she began to heal. As she healed, she was able to help others deal with their own losses.”

Sometimes the primary role of the stepparent is to try to be strong and hold things together while their partner grieves the loss of the child, although this apparent lack of grief can be misunderstood. Jan said that after his stepson Wayne took his life, “I have had to suppress my own feelings so that I can be there for Ann. She has said that she cannot be there for me, and I understandthat. However, she gets upset that I’m not grieving the way she is. It is also hard to deal with her fragile feelings. This has made things very difficult in our marriage.”

If you’re in this situation, it is important to be there for your spouse, to listen, and to offer support where needed. But don’t expect to be able to fix things. As Jerry said, “This is one of those times that you cannot ‘touch the hurt and make it all better.’”

FINDING YOUR WAY

As a Surviving Stepparent

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